The pain was intolerable, who knew
that dreaming about pain and experiencing it was so different.
Romanticizing pain would be my downfall I think, I never expected it
to hurt this much... did I think I was a masochist or something?
Tears dripped down my face making me
ashamed of my control. I mean I can still think of all this stuff
here and go off dreaming of my life before this happened. But I can't
compartmentalize my pain? Can't I shove it down? Put it outside of
myself?
All of the sudden it stopped, the ache
of all of the pain slowly faded with just small slow shadows here and
there when I moved my head or an arm.
After I don't know how long he entered
the room helping me to my feet and out to a small table where if he
was a creature of habit, which I'm certain he is, he would feed me
and then help me to bed without saying a word.
Not wanting to stay in silence for
long I started talking, more to myself than at him, stating little
things like last time they didn't use needles on my back, I wasn't
strapped to a table like the first time. It progressed to commenting
on his clothes and his lack of speaking.
In a stupid male voice I started
talking for him this time, “Oh yes I love porridge how'd ya know,
its soooo salty and I absolutely freaken adore how it feels like bird
poop in my mouth.”
I was so surprised when he snorted a
small laugh I stopped eating and talking to just stare at him.
Without looking at me he composed himself and started gathering the
dishes I was done with leaving me with the porridge and a watery milk
like drink I always saved for last. It kind of reminded me of a
horchata but without the weird rice after taste and texture in your
mouth.
Sighing I slowly finished my tasteless
bird poop and drank the milk to take the grossness away, guess I'm a
creature of habit also.
When I awoke I knew something was
different, the schedule was off, everything was wrong. I heard
talking down the, well where ever I was.
It took them 3 hrs to come to me, not
like I could go anywhere. I already tried all the handles if there
were any and all of the one window I was permitted, not that I could
see out of it anyways, it was more that 7 feet up all I can see if I
stood at the right angle was sky.
I expected them not to talk like the
other 3, I did not recognize them, they were not my faced captors but
I expected my faceless ones.
“So good to meet you.”
“Yes.”
“...mmm are you not eating? You look
thin.”
All making eye contact, all talking, I
didn't know what to do. So I stood there taking the role of my faced
captors. Going on as if this was a normal everyday meeting like we
were meeting for coffee they talked about test results, which I guess
you wouldn't talk about over coffee. None of it made any sense to me,
yes I knew they were recording data from me, but I didn't know why or
how. I was in a castle like dungeon, with no machines plugged into me
or someone scribbling on a notepad of what my reactions were to what.
And their terminology was off, they used strange words for what I
assumed was different parts of my body and different instruments they
had used.
